From Fantasy to Eye Contact: 3 Erotic Energies That Transform Sex

But not the kind you're thinking of.

These are the 3 dimensions of sex—and they can blow up your sex life (in the best way).

Let’s break down what’s really going on behind closed doors.

In this episode of Breaking Down Walls, Natalie (my brilliant bestie and trauma-informed somatic coach) and I (Jill—sex + intimacy coach and professional oversharer) dive into the three dimensions of sex according to the Somatica® Method.

This framework has been a total game-changer for me, my clients, and honestly… my own sex life. Whether you’re deep into your erotic journey or just starting to ask, "What actually turns me on?"—this is your roadmap.

🎧 Listen to the full episode here:

https://www.nataliegrospitch.com/podcasts/the-breaking-down-walls-podcast/episodes/2149022709

So, what are the 3 dimensions?

These are the ways we engage with sex. Think of them as energetic doorways—not goals, but access points. Once you know your core desires, understanding which dimension you naturally lean toward can lead to deeper, more satisfying sex.

(And yes, you might blend all three.)

1. Sexual Role Enactment (aka Erotic Theater)

This is the realm of fantasy and imagination. Maybe you're the naughty nurse, the powerful domme, the helpless submissive—or you’re just holding a spicy scene in your mind while things look “normal” on the outside.

Role play can include things like:

• Power dynamics

• Seduction games

• Costume or character play

• Playing out fantasies silently or explicitly

💭 This isn’t always “loud” or performative. It can be internal—like mentally pretending you’re a goddess being worshipped while chilling in sweatpants on the couch.

Example: BDSM lovers, kink scenes, or people who carry private, potent fantasies while being touched.

My truth? This one’s the hardest for me—unless my partner is really engaged and grounding the scene.

2. Sexual Trance (aka Inner World Bliss)

This is about going inward. Eyes closed. Time disappears. Your body leads. It’s like meditation—just much, much hornier.

Trance lovers crave:

• Deep sensation and presence

• Little to no outside stimulation

• Freedom to explore pleasure solo, even during partnered sex

• Permission to fully explore solo pleasure—even during partnered sex

This is the world of the solo sensualist, the ecstatic moaner, the one who floats away on waves of sensation.

Example: Someone who breathes deep, closes their eyes, and rides the rhythm of their own body. Present with their partner, but deeply immersed in their own erotic energy.

This is my jam. I feel most alive and connected when I drop in like this. It’s where I peak.

3. Partner Engagement (aka Eye Contact & Erotic Connection)

If you’ve ever thought, “If they’re not looking into my soul while we’re doing it, I’m out”—this one’s yours.

This dimension thrives on:

• Eye contact

• Mutual responsiveness

• Emotional + energetic connection

• Feeling seen, met, and in sync

Example: Lovers attuned to every breath, sound, and micro-movement. The kind of intimacy where you’re co-creating the moment in real time.

For me? This feels like the ultimate togetherness—body, mind, and heart totally engaged.

So… which one are you?

Most people have a dominant dimension—one that feels natural, safe, or exciting. But you can blend and bounce depending on the moment, your mood, your partner, or your intention.

Try this:

• Reflect on your last 3 satisfying sexual experiences. Which dimension showed up most?

• Which one feels hardest to access? Why?

• Get curious—not judgmental.

This awareness can totally shift your sex life. It explains why something might feel disconnected or “meh”… and opens the door to more satisfying, aligned experiences.

Why it matters

Understanding how we get turned on—not just what turns us on—makes us better lovers, better communicators, and more in tune with our desires.

Naming these dimensions gives us the language to explore, expand, and ask for what we really want.

This is what intimacy coaching is all about: not just better sex, but a better relationship with your own erotic truth.

🎧 Listen to the full episode here:

https://www.nataliegrospitch.com/podcasts/the-breaking-down-walls-podcast/episodes/2149022709

Natalie and I unpack this in real time, share personal stories, and (as usual) probably say too much.

Because pleasure should feel personal, powerful—and totally playful.

Want help figuring out your core desires or dominant sexual dimension?

This is exactly what I help clients explore in intimacy coaching and fantasy-based boudoir.

Drop into my DMs or book a discovery call to get started:

https://link.alphaleads.marketing/widget/bookings/discover-call-2025